Let me state a truism: baseball players are competitive. They like winning. They like winning even when it’s something pointless, like having the best costume for Halloween.
(Speaking of pointless – this poorly researched post two days after Halloween is basically the textbook definition of a pointless exercise. Thanks for reading!)
As baseball fans, we eat this shit up. Baseball players – they’re just like us! Except, you know, they have millions of dollars more to spend on Hallow costumes. And it’s not like there’s many of them who have a lot going on (baseball-wise) on October 31st. So they have a whole lot of time to plan their costume.
Anyway, quite a few baseball players dressed up in costume to celebrate Halloween. So who won Halloween? Well, here are my favorites for the title of Winner of Halloween (coming to your Esurance MLB Awards ballot in 2017).
Bryce Harper – Ninja Turtle
Bryce Harper dressed up as a Ninja Turtle for Halloween; more specifically, he dressed up as Michaelangelo (although you probably already knew that – I suspect the overlap in the Venn Diagram of readers of this website and those with knowledge of Ninja Turtle color coding is probably pretty large).
According to Wikipedia (which is probably the best source for this type of thing), “Michelangelo was initially depicted as fun-loving, carefree, and, while not as aggressive as Raphael, always ready to fight.” That’s basically the perfect description of Harper as a baseball player, so kudos to Harper for choosing the correct Ninja Turtle.
Bryce also gets bonus points for getting the Chocolate Lab in the picture to dress up as Raphael. Historically, Chocolate Labs dislike dressing up as turtles. 
Did Bryce Harper win Halloween? Nah.
Jason Grilli – Ace
The lovable, excitable setup man for the Blue Jays obviously has some connections, and managed to use some of those to get what appears to be the top half (and the top half only?) of Ace, the Blue Jays’ mascot.
I don’t know why Grilli is wearing jeans (he’s definitely missing Ace’s bottom half), but I do like that Grilli is using his time in the mascot costume to visit Brett Cecil’s house. I can only hope that Grilli was visting the Cecil household to orchestrate a Hollywood-style abduction of Brett, which ultimately culminates in Cecil agreeing to re-sign with the Jays in exchange for his release.
Did Jason Grilli win Halloween? No. You don’t get full-marks for a half-costume, Jason.
Matt Harvey – Definitely Half-Joker, Maybe Half-Bruce Wayne, but also maybe Half-Two Face (Quarter Face?), I don’t really know what’s going on here?
So admittedly, I’m not really too sure what’s going on with Matt Harvey’s costume. Nick Martin at Deadspin seemed confused as well. Is he the Dark Knight/Joker? Is he Two-Face/Joker? Is he Matt Harvey-Dent?
The photo’s caption (“With everything that happened this season, I felt like this was appropriate…”) is obviously a reference to the 2016 season that saw him make 17 starts. He underwent season-ending surgery halfway through the year, so perhaps that’s the reference he’s making. Pre-surgery, Harvey pitched only three games with a Game Score (by FanGraphs’ measure) above 70 (for reference, in 2013 he had 14 such starts, and finished fourth in Cy Young Voting), so I don’t know which half of the season is Bruce Wayne and which half is the Joker. Unless his right side is the first half and the left side is his second half? I’m still not sure. I could use some clarity from the Dark Knight.
Did Matt Harvey win Halloween? No. But hopefully the Harvey and the Mets can redeem themselves in the future.
Justin Verlander – Danny Zuko from Grease (a.k.a. John Travolta from that one movie, you know the one)
Justin dressed up as John Travolta from Grease, and his fiancee Kate Upton dressed up as Sandy Olsson, a.k.a. Olivia Newton-John from the same movie. Their costumes were fine. It helps that they’re both photogenic people and that they had an easily recognizable costume (looking at you, Harvey).
Did Justin Verlander win Halloween? No, but Justin’s already won at basically everything else, so…
Hunter Pence – Napoleon Dynamite
Hunter Pence and his fiancee Alexis Cozombolidis did Halloween right; Pence dressed up as the titular character from Napoleon Dynamite, and Cozombolidis as Pedro Sanchez. Their costumes were pretty dead-on. I even give credit to Pence for learning Napoleon’s dance routine from the climax of the movie.
The one knock I have on their costumes is that I don’t know, for a fact, that they were worn for Halloween. I get the feeling that this could just be a photo from a typical day in the Pence/Cozombolidis household.
“What do you want to do today, honey?”
“Let’s dress up as movie characters and go to Costco!”
See what I mean?
Did Hunter Pence win Halloween? No. But he came close.
So who won Halloween?
The previous 900 words were a ruse. This post was always going to be a bait-and-switch, and you fell for it.
I even foreshadowed it a few paragraphs ago.
Big Apple Mets Baby won Halloween, uncontested. He totally redeemed all costumed members of the Mets franchise.
Mind you, this young Cubs fan’s Grandpa Rossy costume was a close second and probably would have won if not for Big Apple Mets Baby.
Better luck next year, big-leaguers; I imagine none of you are used to losing to children.